Looking in the Mirror

Yesterday was truly eye-opening for me. One thing that about people that often gets on my absolute nerves is when they don't listen to you or understand how you feel. I hate it when they are so consumed with defending themselves and helping you understand them that they don't even consider how much a part of a problem they are. Well, in counseling I might consider someone to use "I messages" instead of using they and that is what I need to do. I am becoming aware that I do the one thing that other people do that I hate. This is so hard to admit, but I finally had to get close to the mirror to see what was going hard. I really want to change and improve. It's hard because I am an emotional person and things said and behaviors done definitely affect me. However, I know how hard it can be to be on the other side and I never want anyone to feel that way. I have a few ideas on how I can make this change. Any other suggestions?

Day 20: The Light of Compassion

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Yesterday's chapter focused on compassion. Now this was something I believed I did fairly well. I mean, I'm a counselor. Of course I'm compassionate. I did the exercises and believed that lesson was neatly packaged and wrapped up in a bow. Until later that evening when I realized that I struggled with this more than I thought. I said something mean to someone I love deeply and instead of apologizing and "keeping it real with myself." I tried to justify why this comment was made and how my mood could lead me to this comment. How self-serving is that? It's hurtful to think about how mean I was to someone I love so much. Compassion doesn't want to know how the world should serve me or help me, but how I can serve and relate to the world. Compassion also will not allow me to beat myself up, but will create awareness so that I can stop taking everything so personally and be truly compassionate to others in my life. These readings were eye-opening for me. This is something I need to change and I am determined to turn on my light of compassion because it will be freeing and it will make me a better individual in relationships.

Wow, I feel as if this is the most vulnerable post I have ever made. So far, so good.

Happy Monday

I know Mondays are hard for most people. I usually enjoy getting up and heading to work, but I often feel disappointed that I did not get everything I wanted to get accomplished. My Monday started off slow, but I have been very productive and have actually enjoyed it. How has your Monday been?

No Bubble Bath this Weekend

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When I began this blog, I promised myself that I would only do this if I could be honest. So here is another confession. I did not take my bubble bath this week. I broke one of the rules that I am always emphasizing to clients and friends. I was feeling overwhelmed and too busy and decided to cut my self care. I really need to do better about this. I definetly needed the relaxation time, but I am determined not to dwell on it too much. Next weekend I will have to repeat this goal. Do you make time for self-care? Do you give suggestions that are often hard for you to follow?

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Important Conversation: Update

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So... The conversation that I talked about earlier went much better than I expected. Thank you to those who prayed for me, sent me text messages, emailed me, or called to see how it went. I am always surprised that people are reading this and I appreciate so much. The conversation went smooth and actually left me feeling excited. That was not the conversation I should have been preparing for. I had another important discussion that way and let's just say that it caught me off guard and left me very emotional. In spite of that, I feel blessed to have people in my life who support me, challenge me, and comfort me.

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Day 19: The Light of Purpose

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Yesterday I focused on identifying a purpose. I wrote about what I would want someone to say about me 5, 10, or 50 years from now. Although things like, "she was very fit," and "she was so beautiful" would be nice. I realize that there are so many other things that I want to have people remember about my character and my passion. This exercise also helped me to focus on how I will contribute to a society that I have benefited from. I feel blessed to truly have a sense of my purpose. I believe that being a counselor (professionally and my spirit) are part of my purpose. Now it is important to remember that everyday. What is your purpose? If you don't know have you thought about it?

Important Conversation

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J and I are meeting with someone today for an important conversation. It's something we need to have, but definitely not something I am looking forward to. Keep me in your prayers. I'll update you soon.

Day 18: The Power of Transcendence

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Yesterday's chapter focused on transcending the illusion that I am acting on my own. This will allow me to step into my greatness by recognizing that I am an extension of God that has been given gifts that I must deliver to humankind. This transcendence helps me to release the feelings of unworthiness so that I can contribute to the world in the way God has planned for me. This will also help me to seek resources and support to ensure that my purpose is fulfilled. I first wrote about places where I was still stuck and still trying to do things on my own. It is amazing how easily I get stuck and often times do not reach for the higher power that I know can help me. I later wrote a list of how my life will be different once I transcend. I am working on this today and paying attention to the signs of God throughout my day. Have you transcended. If so, how? If not, how would your life be different if you did.

Hurdle 1: April First

So... I met with my advisor yesterday and we talked about my dissertation. I am switching my topic to align more with my research interests. Although, some of the same pieces are still intact, there is still a lot that needs to be changed. So, I am working to crank out three chapters by April 1st. I would love to do this before then so I can actually enjoy some of my Spring Break. Send up your prayers. I believe it's possible.

Fridays: Dear Friday, What took you so long?

As I've mentioned before, Fridays mark the end of the work week and the beginning of the dissertation (and everything else I don't have time for during the week) grind. Even still, I am so happy that work is wrapping up this week. I am worn out. I'll be doing tons of work, based on my meeting with my advisor yesterday. However, I am still happy it's finally here. Starting now, I will be making at least one self-care goal on Fridays for the weekend. This weekend, I plan to spend at least an hour in a bubble bath and reading. That sounds so relaxing to me.